First Lady’s Panties “Create Jobs” Says Ramsey

baby-doll-solitaryAfter months of accusations, Emperor-elect Ramsey has admitted that autographed panties sold by his wife, incoming First Lady, Cindy “Baby Doll” Ramsey, as part her line of high-end women’s underwear (BabyDollz) were manufactured by inmates in solitary confinement at Brackwater State Correctional Institution and that the inmates “may or may not” have received compensation.

baby-doll-ramseyBut Ramsey was defiant about his wife’s activities, claiming they were entirely above-board and wholly consistent with his promise to keep jobs in Flubug.

“Who would you rather see get the work? Flubuggers going through a temporary rough patch? Or a bunch of slopes in Sumatra?”

Reporters, caged in Moxie’s basement, grilled Ramsey intensely after the announcement with a torrent of critical tweets.







An anonymous activist from the quasi-terrorist American Civil Rights Union (ACRU), voiced “disappointment” with Ramsey’s explanation last night during a collect call we traced to the Balto Bus Station. The activist, we later learned was Gilbert Schtickson, said, “If I wasn’t on my way to Nepal I’d really be worried about this guy” just moments before he was apprehended.