Police Department

The Flubug Police Department is headed by Sheriff Charley “Big Dog” Ramsey whose held his position for nine consecutive terms.

Ramsey is a no-nonsense sheriff, loathed by critics who see his tactics – most recently revealed by the discovery of a dungeon beneath City Hall in which he tortured litterers and repeat jaywalkers – as inhumane, but he’s hailed by those who claim his straight-talking, take-no-prisoners approach is just what Flubug needs.

He also heads up Restore Our Flubug, an organization dedicated to restoring what Ramsey calls “the natural order of things.”

Ron Ramsey, “Big Dog’s” son is second in command and fondly referred to as “The Lost Captain” since he’s rarely seen outside his Downslope Estates home. But that doesn’t mean he’s not on top of his command. It just means he skips work a lot.

Reporting to Captain Ramsey is Lieutenant Leighton “Laraboo” Washington who is currently challenging Mayor Ornery and Sheriff Ramsey in two heated elections (2016) that could leave his position vacant.

Washington came up through the ranks from the crime-riddled streets of Pook’s Addition to the hardscrabble back lots of Graphite Cornerz. He knows Flubug and he knows how to play the political game, something neither Ramsey ever cared much about. Many see him as a rising star with the potential to become a major player.

Chad FishChad Fish, unlike Washington, has never been promoted beyond the rank of Deputy which he’s held for fifteen years. He’s honest, hard-working and never took a penny in his life. He has a perfect attendance record, having once worked his shift during a kidney stone attack, is married and has two lovely Siamese twins: Carp, Koi, Grouper and Angel. It’s a wonder he’s lasted this long.

Officer Douglas MacArthur Royal, affectionately known as “Officer Roy,” wrote for The Bugle in 2011 while on paid administrative leave for shooting an 86 year-old woman in an oxygen tent.

One of the first motorcycle cops in Flubug, Officer Roy often bragged that he chased Crotch Johnson through five traffic signals in Tire Fire City before losing him in a cloud of smoke.

fannie-corndog-cornwallisRamsey’s long-time receptionist, Fannie “Corndog” Cornwallis, was raised by wolves in Shilltown until the infamous “Wolf Rout” in ’98 when her adoptive family was captured and sent to the Barking Circus. Embittered by the experience, she moved to Poison Wells and took a job with the Poison Post where she penned editorials lambasting environmentalists, big government and the City of Barking which she blamed for her parents’ captivity. In 2003, she caught the eye of Sheriff Ramsey who offered her a job as a receptionist. Among her numerous awards is the Corndog Crown which she won in 2014 at the annual corndog eating contest at The Dump’s Summerfest booth. She remains undefeated.