Bureau of Statistics

montaineBelamie Montaine was a born statistician. Raised in Hormel by devout Quadracostalists, Belamie traveled the county with the roving missionary sect, counting the nickels and dimes raised by the snake charmers. At age 17 he entered Beseech Academy in Hormel where he majored in Addition. After graduation he so amazed his parents with his mathematical prowess that they convinced him to seek employment in Balto.

Today, at age 20, Montaine is the youngest (in fact the only) statistician in Down County. He’s regularly called upon to fudge everything from election polling to census reports and was recently awarded the Ramsey Pollster of the Year Award given out every election cycle by Sheriff Ramsey’s Restore Our Flubug PAC.

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