Archeologists at the Shilltown Museum of Natural Oddities have unveiled what they claim to be a new species of dinosaur. The incredible bipod, recreated from a collection of bones found “pretty much in the same place,” has been named Shillasaurus and is thought to have roamed the region between Shilltown and Rilesville “until it gave up learning to swim.”
Shillasaurus is estimated to have weighed nearly eight tons and lived over 165 million years ago. Archeologists also speculate that Shillasaurus was an herbivore, an unfortunate stroke of luck for a creature who lived in an area then covered by three miles of ocean.
As you might expect, excitement ran high in the museum break room as archeologist, Boone Hensington, Jr., son of the famed explorer, announced his breaking discovery.
“After years of tireless effort to locate and reconstruct the bones of this amazing creature, we can now say definitively that Shillasaurus is like no dinosaur we’ve ever seen.”
An artist’s depiction of Shillasaurus unfurled from the ceiling, covering a mural of Hensington’s last discovery: a nine mile “electric eel” that turned out to be an underwater cable.
“Shillasaurus has much to teach us.”
“He was clearly adapted to the Jurassic lifestyle and we believe he could out-run, out-claw, out-pierce and out-jump almost any dinosaur of his era. In fact, he was almost an amalgam of the dinosaurs of his age. Yet what he could not do, what he could never do – and what we believe led to his downfall – was swim.”
Silence erupted into spontaneous applause as Hensington announced that Shillasaurus would be on permanent display at the museum starting May 1st.
But not everyone in the crowd was clapping.
Dr. Wolfgag Cobb, a noted contrarian, questioned the process used to reconstruct the bones.
“Zeees bones ver excavated from five different locations! They’re triceratops, stegasaurus, raptor …who knows vat else? Zeees isn’t a Shillasaurus… it’s a shill!”
Cameras and champagne bottles popped as Cobb was led out of the room.
“He’ll probably get the Pulitzer Prize for this,” beamed the curator, referring to Hensington. “This is a proud moment for our museum.”
Shillasaurus will be on display at the Shilltown Museum of Natural Oddities this May through November in the Jurassic Room next to “Amy,” the world’s only minature tuskless mammoth (a discovery detractors have called the remains of a common elephant).