For those who haven’t seen the new exhibits that opened Feb. 6th at the Eunice Civil War Wax Museum, this weekend might be your best bet. Not only will the weather top 69 degrees, tickets have been slashed by 50% for anyone who can prove they were engaged in the hostilities. But even if you weren’t in the Civil War, it’s hard to beat $5 apiece for a chance to experience Flubug’s part in the War of Northern Aggression.
Curator Phillip Reed Chestnut, who says he was “frankly disappointed” by the showing on opening day, says he’s sure this weekend will shatter all records with revamped exhibits and authentic Civil War snacks in the Vicksburger Food Court.
“We’ve gone all out to make this year’s displays as authentic as possible,” says Chestnut, whose great-grandfather suffered a self-inflicted gunshot two days after Fort Sumter. “I think the results will speak for themselves.”
Some of the more intriguing displays are:
The Incident at Eunice Creek (left) in which Capt. “Two Step” Buchanan (the Dancing Admiral) and his crew on Old Tilesides became trapped in a space-time cube that compelled them to dance for three hours while their ship sank in flames…
Rebel Without A Pulse, a little known incident not far from the Black Lung Memorial in which Gen Stonewall Jackson became possessed by Rasputin at a woodsy rest stop, faithfully recreated from Jackson’s own recollections dictated during bouts with bilious remittent fever in his dubious memoir, “The Peasant In Me.”
Grant’s Fume (left), the anecdotally-confirmed insult inflicted on the Confederates generals surrendering at Appomattox when Ulysses S. Grant expelled the gaseous remains of a bean casserole served earlier at the courthouse.
And an homage to Major Bruce Barrington, the first openly-gay officer in the Confederate Army, whose fondness for lagging soldiers inspired his troops to push far into Union territory and launch relentless attacks on the most entrenched positions.
After accepting a position in Antarctica, Barrington was awarded the Southern Cross of Honor in absentia in exchange for his pledge to conceal the methods by which he managed his military feats. In 2004 he rose to cult status when a novel based on his career, “These Colors Run,” rose to the top of the best-seller charts. In 2012 his likeness was commissioned by “Eunice Wax” for display in the Civil War Museum.
The museum is expected to reach capacity this weekend (according to Chestnut). So get there early. And don’t pack a lunch. $5 a head isn’t near enough to pay for these ridiculous figurines. Get a burger and fries, maybe a Faust, at the Vicksburger Food Court. $10 won’t kill you. Hell, buy a bumper sticker. Get a parasol for mom. A Boll Weivel Farm. Any goddam thing. You think we do this for our health??
Phllip Reed Chestnut contributed to this story.