Elmer Bradshaw, a fixture in the unincorporated town that carries his name (Bradshaw’s Pike) and proprietor of Bradshaw’s Tavern ($2 Buds every Thurs), filed suit today in Down County Superior Court against a club that recently opened next door to his tavern.
The Knave, which bills itself as “Pure Shakespearean Debauch” is in fact, according to the lawsuit, “a bar that caters exclusively to gay homosexuals (sic), the gay homosexual lifestyle (sic) and the encouragement (sic) of gay homosexuals (sic) to carouse at all hours of the night and damage personal property.”
The sixty-eight page suit, which accused the owners of everything from mandatory seat belts to fluoridation, concluded with a plea for injunctive relief from what Bradshaw called, “gangs of drunken fags knocking over my guys’ bikes.”
At issue is an incident that happened New Year’s Eve when three patrons of The Knave, later found to be intoxicated, wandered into the parking area at Bradshaw’s Tavern and fell into a motorcycle causing a “domino effect” that dumped thirteen bikes on their side. The resulting melee, which saw bikers empty the bar with stools and timing belts, ended when the bikers began fighting each other and the trespassers slipped away.
Atom Grubb, who’s bringing the case for Bradshaw, says his client has an “air tight” case and will settle for nothing less than revocation of The Knave’s liquor license, an immediate sale of the premises and $250,000 for “pain and suffering.”
“And I’ll get it, too,” said Bradshaw while castigating the Liquor Control Board. “Then I’ll go after those idiots who approved their liquor license!”
“It’s the type of animal behavior we’ve come to expect from Bradshaw’s Pike,” said Doremus Saul, lead counsel for the defendants. “Bradshaw’s ‘patrons’ had every intention to harm my clients. The fact that they were content to beat each other only underscores the fact they were incited before my clients ever arrived.”
Hortense Waller at The Flubug House of God, Trini Kessler at the Poison Wells Chamber of Commerce and Pastor Fergueson Jenkins of the Addition House of Prayer (AHOP) have all stated their intent to file amicus briefs (as soon as they figure out what they are).
Arguments will be heard in Judge Knockspur’s court whenever the docket is found.