Fire Closes Founder’s Park

turnaround-fireA fire that authorities say was deliberately set broke out in Founder’s Park last night around 2am  The blaze, which engaged fire fighters through the night, was finally brought under control when Flubug Fire Chief, Archer Devlin, extinguished Scotch Johnson’s flaming oil drum which was at the center of the melee.

The oil drum, on loan from Tire Fire City, was alleged to be Scotch Johnson’s original oil drum and is considered by many to be the heart and soul of Flubug.

Speaking briefly while coordinating the forty-man, six agency effort, Chief Devlin said: “This is how they work. They destroy our icons to destroy us. But this time we got lucky. Our split second response and inter-agency cooperation contained a potentially life-threatening situation and salvaged an historical treasure. Next time we might not get so lucky.”

johnsons-oil-canBut luck was certainly in the cards last night. The Flubug Police, Flubug Fire Department, Down County Department of Parks and Obfuscation, Bradshaw’s Pike Fire Department and the Li’l Arsonists Club were all conducting a training exercise in nearby Graphite Cornerz that actually simulated a response to a burning oil drum.

“I mean, what are the chances?” joked Sheriff Ramsey, lighting a cigar on the smouldering can. “One in a hundred?”

But Tire Fire City officials weren’t amused. Fawn Doobie, the city’s marketing director who stridently opposed the can loan, criticized Flubug’s slow response and suggested a link between the training exercise and the fire.

Often called the Father of Flubug, Socrates "Scotch" Johnson founded Flubug in the mid-1800's after running out of gas at the site where Carson's Car Service sits today. His son is Crotch.

“As the wardens of Socrates “Scotch” Johnson’s memory, we’re appalled at Flubug’s callous disregard for such a priceless artifact and find it odd that a fire could begin in such identical circumstances at a nearby training exercise.”

Founder’s Park and the Turnaround have been placed on permanent lock down as a precautionary measure until a full investigation can been completed. Outdoor buffs are directed to the town dump which boasts a similar landscape and relatively smaller military presence.

donate-tire-fire-city

 

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One thought on “Fire Closes Founder’s Park

  1. Pingback: 2016 Flubug: The Year in Review | The Flubug Bugle

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