KRAK’s blockbuster series, Ancient Illegal Aliens, starts its third season tomorrow night and viewers couldn’t be more excited. The series, which has broken all records for non-cartoon programming in Down County, is on track to top last year’s viewership by an incredible 15%. That would put Aliens in the running with Roman Candy’s final installment of Inside Flubug Tonite which cornered a 72% market share in September, 2012.
“We’re pretty excited,” said program director, Willabond Cratin, who also does alien voice-overs and puppet shows at the Balto Hospice. “We didn’t think it would run more than one season. But we’ve got a great team and, of course, the research is ground-breaking.”
- Did ancient illegal aliens use the Flubug Caverns as a communication device to transfer cash from their mother ship?
- Did ancient illegal aliens build the four-sided pyramids on Quagmire Summit and, if so, where did they get their pathetic skills?
- Did ancient illegal aliens teach advanced landscaping techniques to early Flubuggers and, if so, why is the grass at the Down County Nine always brown?
Of course nothing can sway naysayers and even these insightful questions aren’t enough to quell critics obsessed with debunking ancient illegal alien theory.
“It’s nonsense,” says Pam Rice, Executive Director for Restore Sanity, who admits she’s never seen the show. “There were never illegal aliens in the ancient world and anyone who says there were is an idiot.”
But Buck Crenshaw sees things differently. “Just wait till she gets abducted by one of them there illegal ancients. Then she’ll change her tune.”
Ancient Illegal Aliens airs at 9pm Friday night on Flubug’s first (and only) television station, KRAK TV.