Snyff, the new app that brings “Snyffers” together with hovel owners who have odors they can’t identify, has everyone talking, and not just in Flubug where odors are hard to decypher. They’re “snyffing” in Vermouth. They’re “snyffing” in Eunice. They’re “snyffing” in Balto, and that has brick and mortar businesses raising a stink.
Art Capitol, who owns Balto Fire & Casualty, says the unregulated marketplace creates a reckless environment for consumers who act on the findings of inexperienced novices.
“We’ve got dropouts making judgment calls on spoiled food, gas leaks, even dead bodies. I understand we live in a tech society. But we need to ask ourselves what we’re willing to sacrifice for convenience. If it’s safety and common sense, we’re screwed.”
Dawn Sparkling, who sells cigarette lozenges at The Dump, claims Snyff is a life saver. “Shopping at Sav-A-Bit, I never knew what foods were spoiled. But with Snyff I can bid on a “snyffer” who stops by the house and checks everthing. If it saves one trip to the ER it’s worth it!”
Former Brackwater quarterback, Dexter Cornweiser, agrees. “When you’re in a locker room everything smells. So it takes a real professional to sort out the difference. Snyff fed my profile to hundreds of snyffers and in no time they found gangrene in my foot. Thanks, Snyff!”
Dylan Mocha, whose recent projects include SimWork, a simulated work program decried by salary buffs as a ploy to get beleaguered job seekers to volunteer their skills indefinitely, calls Snyff a “game changer.”
“When I first started Snyff I thought snyffers would be limited to smelling appliances or identifying drugs kids are smoking in their rooms. But Snyff keeps reinventing itself. Farmers are using Snyff to see when their crops are ripe. Prison officials use Snyff to catch escapees. The coroner has added snyffing to the autopsy process. It’s really a revolution.”
Users also like the interactive map that makes it easy to “sniff out” potential snyffers.
“Even I can use it!” says Gramps McCauley who recently bid on a Snyff to decide if droppings left in a semi-circle around his porch were terrestrial. “And I’m almost eighty years old.”
Wanna-be snyffers are encouraged to visit the site and take a ten-minute placement exam. After that, it’s every snyffer for him (or her) self!
Reporter-at-large Dylan Mocha contributed to this story.