Founder’s Park – At least twenty circus animals, freed during the blizzard in Barking, have descended on Flubug and are reportedly running wild through the streets. Terrified residents, still dealing with the heaviest blizzard to hit Flubug in decades, claim the excitable beasts are rummaging through trash, parked cars, basements, tents and other potential food sources for “anything they can get their hands on.”
Plow operators were chased from Founder’s Park during an early morning standoff that saw one operator abandon his vehicle and “run like the Dickens” for Wild Bill’s. Another operator, Whiz Bang, narrowly missed disaster when a Siberian tiger leapt on his rig from the dumpsters behind Bohunks.
“I couldn’t believe it,” he told reporters. “One minute I was plowing the alley, the next minute I was wrestling an 800-pound tiger. This job gets worse every year.”
Flubug officials, who’ve all but abandoned the city for Christmas, didn’t return our phone calls. But Mayor Ornery’s holiday hotline had some helpful hints:
“I know. I know. There’s goddam circus animals running loose in the streets. What do you want me to do about it? It’s Christmas. Just don’t feed the damn things and maybe they’ll wander back where they came from.”
Update: The Barking Circus Christmas Show has been cancelled until further notice.
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