Sinkhole Claims 2nd QB

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Falcon Stadium – Tragedy struck the Falcons-Badgers game on Sunday when an unrepaired sinkhole at the 45-yard line claimed the lives of Falcon receiver Jamal Kendrick and Badger right tackle, Brahawn Perriwinkle who disappeared into the chasm during a dramatic play that capped an otherwise boring game.

The sinkhole, which first opened during the Possum Bowl in 2011, was supposed to be plugged by the start of the 2012 season, says Cal Winston, Deputy Chair of the Down County Athletic Association. But the DCAA rethought their position when ticket sales soared.

“The fans loved it,” said Winston. “It brought a new level of excitement to the game. We wanted to see if it could be introduced to other venues.”

But that doesn’t seem likely.

Falcons Quarterback, Jowan Trubshaw

Falcons Quarterback, Jowan Trubshaw

Players from both teams were visibly shaken when the game ended ten minutes later. “I think it really had an impact on the game,” said quarterback, Jowan Trubshaw, who narrowly missed the crevasse the few times he made it past the 20 yard line. “When you’ve got a big hole on the field you tend to, ya know ..favor the other side.”

Brindle Lazzarra, Balto Badgers’ tight end, was also upset. “It’s always hard to lose a good player, especially in a sinkhole situation, but I think we made the adjustments we needed to make and I think we’ll come back stronger in the second half of the season.”

Badger’s coach Vince Baggetti was livid.

“I’ll be damned if we’re gonna play here again,” he vowed. “The last time we played here they threw a tarp over the hole. This time it was a caution sign. I won’t lose players because the Falcons can’t sell tickets without a gimmick!”

Flubug Corps of Engineers

Flubug Corps of Engineers

Mayor Bobby Ornery (who was drinking in the parking lot when the tragedy occurred), urged calm and vowed to bring in the Flubug Corps of Engineers if necessary to recover the bodies (though he stopped short of calling for the closure of Flubug Stadium).

“This is-s a dark day for Flubug,” he slurred in a pre-recorded announcement. “Our hearts go out to the families-s of the brave players who gave their lives for our county [hic]. And I stand ready to do whatever it takes to recover their bodies – though I’d caution against any knee jerk reactions that might affect local sports books.”

The families of Jamal and Brahawn declined to comment on the tragedy and have asked the public (and The Bugle) to respect their privacy during this difficult time.

Well wishers can leave cards and flowers at Jamal’s house at 1875 Bradshaw’s Pike (331-909-8877) or Brahawn’s stepmom’s house at 817 Pencil Place (331-862-3011).

quack-haac

 

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