Tire Fire City, which currently engulfs 114 (make that 115) acres along the Nafta Superhighway, has dazzled tourists since the 1930’s with breath-taking plumes and spectacular flames. Flare-ups can be seen from as far off as the planet Europa and the conflagration has fueled a tourist trade that’s long obviated the need for agriculture.
But tourism has flagged in recent years, owing perhaps to the 82% unemployment rate or the noticable spike in gang activity which recently saw a special ed bus hijacked for the kid’s lunch money.
Yet Fawn Doobie isn’t put off. As chairwoman of the Tire Fire City Preservation Society, thinks she understands why tourism has declined.
“It’s our marketing strategy,” she says. “Casting ourselves as the Eighth Unnatural Wonder of the World was okay with baby boomers raised on Jason and the Argonauts. But young people today think ancient history means last Tuesday. Our new slogan, “Feel the Burn!” captures the thrill of Tire Fire City in three, easy-to-text words. Like the fire, we think it’ll go viral!”
Fawn may have a point.
Flubug residents, once comfortable that the fire was contained at a safe distance, are beginning to question the billowing smoke that now crosses the highway non-stop. Two new two exits, a third planned next year, have also increased local anxiety.
“At some point,” says Vejay Batyramyra, Professor Emeritus at Beseech Academy for Incendiary Studies. “We may have to entertain the possibility that the fire is out of control.”
But Fawn says that’s all to the good. “The fire was out of control a hundred years ago when Flubug’s Founder, Scotch Johnson, ran out of gas near Molten Lake and tossed his threadbare tires into Goodyear Gulch. All this means is that visitors can expect a truly realistic experience.”
The campaign kicks off this week at the Tire Fire City Interpretive Center, just east of the latest flare-up. Coupons for Dem Bones “Special Seasonings” will be given to the first (20) people who “Like” Tire Fire City on Facebook.