Poor Farm to Reopen As Fun Park

Down County officials confirmed persistent rumors this afternoon that the long-dormant Down County Poor Farm will reopen next year as a family fun park.

The thirty-six acre site, which once housed an asylum before degenerating into a focal point for Flubug’s counter-culture, promises plenty of memories for those housed in its sub-standard cabins, and plenty of fun for the family.

Commissioner Thornton, who presided over the reconstruction, promises an accurate restoration of the quaint “chicken coop” architectural style and vintage accountrements which include the original shackles, straw bedding and snake pits used by the poor farm’s inhabitants.

But that’s not all! Visitors will also get to try their hand at old-fashioned Poor Farm “chores” like coin diggin’, weapons construction, composting, scrawlin’ ‘n’ weepin’, and a master class on spoon sharpening.

Titus “T.T.” Turnbull, housed at the facility at the end of World War II after a freak accident claimed his thumbs, is especially proud to be teaching the weapons class. “We didn’t have much to work with,” he says. “We was shackled most of the time.”

Activities will include a “Snake Pit,” where kids six and older can wrestle an anesthetized python, an old-time “Hole of Mystery,” where kids and parents can duck ravenous catfish and other evolutionary oddities.in an ancient spring, and a roller coaster made from the original wood salvaged from the site.

One attraction sure to be a hit is the “Swatting Zoo” where guests will navigate a 100-yard obstacle course through a malarial swamp. The first lucky participants will receive a free can of Off!, two capsules of quinine and a square yard of porch screening to keep the varmints at bay. Paramedics from L.P.S.C. will be on hand to assist with tick and leech removal, and elderly Flubuggers are advised to stock up on quinine.

It all starts July 4th, 2014. Don’t miss it!

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One thought on “Poor Farm to Reopen As Fun Park

  1. Pingback: Weatherman Scooped From Icy Lake | The Flubug Bugle

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