Bradshaw’s Pike, Flubug – The Bugle has learned that federal immigration officials are questioning local resident, Paul Pot, a docile Cambodian refugee who emigrated to Bradshaw’s Pike in 1998, about possible ties to the infamous Khmer Rouge which ushered the genocide of some two million Cambodian citizens between 1975 and 1979.
Mr. Pot, who claims he’s never been in legal trouble and lives quietly in his two-bedroom hut breeding dragonflies for the Poor Farm’s upcoming “Swatting Zoo Children’s Park,” refused to speak us on record. However, Jerry Kaldwell, the immigration official who raised concerns when he spied Pot’s unusual home, was more than willing to talk.
“His hut is made of skulls!” Kaldwell exclaimed. “Human skulls! I crept up to get a better look and saw Pot feeding meat to gigantic dragonflies. Then I saw posters on his wall that read: ‘We [Heart] Brzezinski,’ ‘Long Live the Youth League Alumni’ and ‘Go Ahead, Sue Me in World Court.’ I knew right there was something fishy.”
Fishy, perhaps. But hardly the evidence needed to prompt an investigation by Kaldwell’s higher-ups. One such official, who consented to speak off-the-record after a three hundred dollar incentive, said, “What if it is him? Who cares? He’s safe. He’s secure. We can keep an eye on him. Napoleon didn’t cause any trouble after they stuck him on St. Helena, did he?”
Still, immigration officials refuse to speak on the record. Sheriff Ramsey, asked to comment on the rumor while shooting golf at Down County Nine (the only Iraq-themed golf course in Flubug) sidestepped the issue – while kicking his ball from a sand trap – to focus on Pot’s activities. “Look, I don’t know who this Pot feller is. And I never heard o’ no St. Helena. But if this feller’s breedin’ dragonflies without a permit he’s got some ‘splainin’ to do!”
Speculation that Pot was relocated to Bradshaw’s Pike as part of the Witness Protection Program has only fueled rumors that “The Pike” has become a virtual dumping ground for dangerous criminals. In 2008, rumors circulated that John D’Yukyuk was in fact John Demjanjuk, wanted for 29,000 counts of murder for his alleged role in the notorious Sobibor death camp in Poland. In 2009 rumors flared when several boys went missing in the area of John Dwayne Casey’s home. And just last year, conspiracies resurfaced when a Gulfstream jet was seen taking off from Kenneth “Kenny Boy” Lahey’s backyard.
But officials remain mum about Mr. Pot.
As T.T. Turnbull, part-time historian and mental health buff, put it to this reporter: “If that ain’t Pot, I got a gold mine you might be interested in buyin’.”
Pol Pot’s attrocities were documented in the 1984 documentary, “The Killing Fields.” Official accounts claim he died in 1998.