The “crow,” which appears to be searching for prey, was captured on film by Sammy Weiss who snapped the photo after he was separated from his home care provider. Locals are understandably concerned.
“How would you feel if a monster like that was flying over your backyard?” said a single mom who refused to be identified. “I’m one U-Haul short of a ticket outta this hellhole!”
But Flubug officials, most notably Sheriff “Big Dog” Ramsey and Deputy Chad Fish, insist the affair is nothing but “a hoax” and they vow to get to the bottom of it.
“I don’t know who this Weiss feller is, or how long he’s been in Flubug,” said Fish, reading a statement scrawled on the back of a Dem Bones napkin. “But our crows get pretty big around here. Hell, one stole the fries right outta my bag the other day! Ain’t nothin’ to get worked up about.”
But not everyone is buying the official line.
Karen Goodwell, author of “If Crows Could Speak,” a chronicle of her lost decade hiding near crows in the hopes they would talk, claims the photo, if real, depicts “the most unusual crow I’ve ever seen.” Others, including her husband, agree that the bird could be the most important ornithological find since humans were discovered in Usher. “This is big,” he said. “This could finally put Flubug on the map as a destination folks could be proud of.”
The film was immediately rushed to the Mimeograph Center at BCOL where it met with jeers from the Admissions staff before being sent to the Ancient History Laboratory for a more thorough analysis. But officials at the Ancient History Lab weren’t laughing. Of course one official, T.T. Turnbull, who teaches judo after hours for disabled pilots, lost the ability to laugh (and his thumbs) in World War II.
But Karen Goodwell wasn’t laughing either. “I’ve studied birds my whole life,” said the ornithologist whose work has drawn mixed reactions. “And that ain’t no crow. I’d stake my reputation on it!”
Without upping the ante she went on: “It looks to me like a pterodactyl… a creature we thought to be extinct more than 160 million years ago! If so, I have no idea what it’s doing in Nailyard, but I’d sure like to get a good look at it.”
Goodwell may get her chance. Ornithologists from as far away as Shilltown, still regarded as little more than a rest home for welders, are prepared to make the trek to Nailyard this weekend to hunt the elusive creature.
But no one’s quite sure what to do if they catch it!
“The best thing,” suggests Goodman. “Is to give it a wide berth. Pterodactyls can be much less predictable than the warblers and sparrows we’re used to. They’re also a bit larger. In some cases forty to fifty feet larger. There’s also evidence to suggest that their capture could present a significant risk, most notably from their fifteen foot razor-sharp bill.”
If you plan to look for the “crow” this weekend, Goodman suggests you dress warmly, bring a thermos, some binoculars and a sawed-off shotgun. “Their disposition wasn’t great 160 million years ago. I’m sure it hasn’t changed much”
In honor of the discovery, the Mimeograph Center will close early this Friday.