Flubug “Beyond Broke”

In a shocking announcement (that shocked no one), Mayor Ornery declared that the City of Flubug, and indeed all of Down County, was officially “broke” beyond any hope of recovery.

In a short announcement on the steps to city hall, Hizhonor declared: “We got about eleven bucks in the bank and some Canadian change. At this point all options for county and city payrolls are on… erm, under the table. The good news is we’ve reached out to local business and they’ve come up with some creative solutions.”

“Effective today,” the mayor continued. “all municipal employees will receive, in lieu of an actual paycheck, a weekly C.A.M. (Community Assisted Misery) Reimbursment Package to be distributed between 2:00pm and 3:28pm every Friday outside the Illiad Wellness Center.¬†Contents of the brown paper bags may include, depending on pledges:

Flubug Broke Podcast

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  • (5) $1.00 redeemable mail-in coupons for products to be determined from stores that remain open
  • (3) Forever Stamps to support above offer
  • (1) Pound stunted grapes
  • (1) Pound taters
  • (1) Pound distressed produce
  • (2) Yards partially-coated wire
  • (8) Assorted Gel Caps (contents unknown)
  • (2) Pounds Growz Fast bird seed
  • (1) Wren
  • (1) 6 oz can of boot polish (flammable, may contain alcohol)
  • (1) ) Old copy of The Flubug Bugle
Illiad Wellness Center adMayor Ornery concluded his remarks by saying: “The days of free services are behind us. No one wants to throw our valiant firemen, policemen and teachers under a bus. But the sad fact is the bus is out of gas. And our public servants might as well get out of the way before the bus rolls off on it’s own.”

Pressed on his inclusion of wrens in the compensation packages the mayor said only, “Beats me.”

Flubug Broke Podcast

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One thought on “Flubug “Beyond Broke”

  1. Like Romney,no more free stuff.I guess he wants to killed everyone in town.Contents of brown bags little suspicious.This town is not only dysfuntional ,but hilarious .

    Like

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