Killer Mosquitos Back

Just when you thought it was safe, officials at the Down County Health Department and CDC in Atlanta have confirmed that the Africanized mosquitos, thought to have fled last year, are back at the Flubug Reservoir. And they’re breeding “at a disturbing rate.”

The mosquitos, which reportedly chase their prey for five miles, are far more aggressive than their North American counterparts and known to mate with the Down County dragonfly, a species loathed by Native Americans.

Mosquitos Back Podcast





According to Tim Bowman, Administrative Assistant at the CDC: “American mosquitoes lay two to three hundred eggs per week. Africanized mosquitos lay ten times that many. That means they lay eggs at a frenzied pace that mature in a matter of days. And that’s exactly what we’ve seen at the reservoir.”

Sheriff “Big Dog” Ramsey, who hoped to use the reservoir as a cornerstone for his new “Privatizing Flubug” campaign, urged immediate complacency. “Look folks, we have this outbreak every year. Nothin’ to get upset about. Ya get your spray, your net, whatever your use, and you deal with it. These guys at the CDC make a living outta scarin’ folks to death.”

But officials at the CDC, and undisclosed officials within the mayor’s administration (like Bill Daniels), say the problem is far more serious. “If it were only mosquitos I’d say ‘okay,'” said Daniels, who leaves tomorrow for an extended vacation. “But breeding with dragonflies? I gotta side with the CDC on this one.”

Titus T.T. TurnbullT.T. Turnbull, who’s seen just about everything in Flubug since losing his thumbs in a freak accident, agrees. We caught up with him in the Crossley Nursing Home lobby, just a mile from the reservoir, playing checkers with Crucifixion “Cruz” Gonzalez. “I see ’em all the time. Big suckers. An’ they’ll chase ya, too! They’re blood suckers through ‘n’ through.”

Turnbull, who’s scheduled to teach his annual weapons class at the Poor Farm Family Fun Park again this year, fought Rommel in North Africa but claims “they was nothing” compare to these mosquitos. Yet asked if he planned to leave, he said wryly: “Where would I go? Back to Domino Park?”

Down County officials plan to cover the reservoir with a gigantic net until the news cycle resets. They also recommend that residents keep at least twenty five miles from the site while admitting that could be troublesome given the fact that the town is only four miles square.

Residents with any suggestions are encouraged to submit their ideas to Ramsey’s Privatize Flubug PAC.


4 thoughts on “Killer Mosquitos Back

  1. Pingback: Unemployment Rate Drops to Zero | The Flubug Bugle

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