Violet Fems Soar Into First Place


In a surprise, no doubt illegal, development in today’s Tour duh Flubug, a late entry came out of nowhere to surge past the pack on the hazard-strewn corridor through the Miasma Mountains.

The vehicle, dubbed “The Violet Fems,” is sponsored (apparently) by the local feminazi group, Lavender Condition, and piloted by none other than our own debt-riddled Hope Faydz who by all accounts failed Driver’s Ed. Yet despite her lacking of training, the hopped-up Faydz sped past Yee’s Bargain Blender (seen here in a moment of confusion near the Bat Museum in Vermouth) on a treacherous hairpin in the rocky Miasmas, leaving Yee shaking his fists and yelling epithets as he became a speck in her rear view mirror.

But give credit to where credit’s due. Faydz’ surge was undoubtedly helped by her able navigator, Wren who besides being a helluva guitarist, is a part-time cartographer and Miasma native with first hand knowledge of any way across the boiling rapids.

And crossing the Miasma will be key to winning this race.

Still The Violet Fems may have another agenda in this winner-take-all fiasco. The roadster, probably stolen from Buddy Willis’ Used Car Parts & Pawn Shop, is festooned with many of their pet causes: the ethical treatment of mosquitoes, an end to the barbaric practice of autopsies, an end to the preventative detention of raccoons, and end to hunting the homeless in Tanwater Park and, of course, an end to the “outrageous fees” charged by The Ditch.

Hope, too, may have an agenda as witnessed by the fact that her car is powered by burning Gwen’s CDs. As a spokesperson from Lavender Condition put it: “She’s very motivated right now and her motivation is clearly fueled by that $30,000 bill she received from The Ditch for Gwen’s lackluster performance. If I were a man, I’d stay out of her way!”

But it’s not only men who were “steering clear” today. Dozens of fans were treated for smoke inhalation when they inhaled the acrid, bitter fumes of Gwen’s burning CDs. And race officials have refused to comment on the legality of entering the race from Shilltown until the Tour duh Flubug has ended. But one thing’s for sure.

With Wren at her side, Hope has thrown this entire race wide open on Day Three. Even Nick Carz had to give her a reluctant 4:1 over Crotch, saying only while shrugging his shoulders:

“Hell hath no fury.”

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