Hello, Flubug and welcome to Inside Flubug Tonite. I’m your host, Roman Candy, and do we have news for you! First up tonight?
The Saga of Hope and Wren
Now that our little songbird has moved in with resident man hater, Hope Faydz, will it just be a matter of time before she’s summoned to the boudoir for a “command performance”? Gwen’s not taking any chances. The defrocked Queen of Flubug’s Sad Folk was seen leaving Pook’s Voodoo Supply last night with six foot-long pins, a hex candle and a sack of possum paws. Is Gwen planning some witchcraft …or just planning to do her hair by candlelight? Flubug Tonite will stay on this steamy love triangle!
Across Party Lines?
Ornrey mouthpiece, Joe the Lifeguard, and Latina siren, Raven, were spotted doing more than dancing at Saturday night’s Fuzz Against Junk reunion at That Place Down The Road. Was this a peace summit or just “cutting a rug” in da ‘bug? Somehow I think Raven can do better.
Hoot Sorghum, a mainstay in Pook’s Addition, might have lost his tongue to cancer last year, but sources tell us he’s planning to step up to the mike one more time at next month’s Kareoke Kraze at the AC. Planned is no less than a lip synch of Hoot and
Ellis’s classic, “Buy that man a drink!” Leave early and watch where you park.
Happening at The Ditch
Turns out Dex and Deb are back at it. The on-again-“off”-again couple were seen canoodling in a corner booth. But we hear that the only PDA going on was Deb fixing some Balto White for Dex’s “strong arm.” I smell another trip to rehab.
Joke of the Week
Muligan dude walks into Louis 14th to place a bet, Nick asks him why he is late.
Dude: “The road was full with a bunch a cows”
Nick: “You mean a herd?”
Dude: “A what?”
Nick: “A herd, a herd of cows”
Dude: “Sure I herd a cows!!”
Poor Harriet Grossman
Well, it’s official. Flubug’s Harriet Grossman is no longer working the streets. Or is she? The 300 lb self-avowed “woman of the night” moved out of her trailer last week to seek work at Quix Fux. Had to take a drug test and from what we heard failed like a stallion. To quote Harriet, ” What did they expect. Money’s tight and ‘clean’ just ain’t happening in this town.” Might need another bed at that rehab.
Musta Read it Wrong
Remember those hot-doggers on sale “at cost” at Yee’s? Well, there was quite the line of angry customers outside his store today. Almost everyone returning the same faulty appliances. Hey, folks! That label wasn’t issued by Underwriters Laboratories. According to Yee himself it’s his own label. “Stand for Un Licence. Is good as gold. You want? I give you ten percent off.” I think we’ll take a pass.
And hey! What About Fruit?
Fruit’s has had a helluva year so far. He was dragged into court for holding a “Salmonella Sale” at his roadside Sav-A-Bit Market. Then Joplin took him for a proverbial Flubug Sleigh Ride when she reportedly conned him out of $1,200 for albino poo. Then he was seen at the Nafta Inn’s Boyz-To-Men night, arm in arm with no other than Retch Thompson! But the rugged Fruit just won his case this week he decided to throw a party by handing out three extra sugar packs with every non diet soda purchased. Who’s taking who for a sleigh ride now?
Down at Books for the Blind
Just a guess, but I’m thinking if we put razor wire coils in the doorway to Books for the Blind half the folks in sunglasses would step right over it. Just a guess.
Young Westy Faydz had quite a week beating those bogus waterboarding charges. But there’s more to this story than meets the eye… a lot more. Sources tell this reporter a few pesos swapped hands to make the mean old Tyrants go away. And I’m thinkin’ those sources are right. And, by the way, you’re not fooling anyone with that blog, Hope. So give it up.
That’s all the Hard Candy for this week! Keep those curtains drawn.