BREAKING – The Board of Directors at The Flubug Bugle voted overwhelmingly this week to award President and CEO, D. Wartti, with a hefty mid-year bonus based on his stellar performance on the paper’s Facebook page. The page, which dropped like a rock last week losing a staggering 99.99% of its readership, had been criticized in the past by Wartti’s predecessor, J.W. Farnsworth before he went missing. It’s also been plagued with links to nowhere and a casual, if not indifferent, approach to engaging visitors.
But clearly the Board is impressed with Wartti’s performance. Asked why he deserved the added compensation in the face of such abysmal statistics, Wartti commented that “the numbers could have been worse” and that “they’re a damn sight better than when I first got here.”