Carz Vows “Total War” On Nailyard

Nick Carz “Loaded for bear” after decision

Nick Carz, father and coach to wrestling star Amber “da Bammer” Carz,  disqualified this week for allegedly packing zinc in her gloves , swore revenge on “Nailyard thugs” today for what he termed as “a slap in the face of every sports fan in Flubug.” Flanked by his daughter and teammates from this year’s Falcon lineup, Carz went on to say that not he but the entire City of Flubug has declared “total war on Nailyard.” He added: “Their nail guns won’t stop us,” an obvious reference to the weapons used by Nailyard fans to tip the scales in their favor at intra-county wrestling matches.

Speaking to reporters on the Wrestling Commission steps, where just days before the Commissioner passed down his contentious decision to disqualify Amber from the state finals, Carz insisted his vow was more than “just blowing smoke.”

“They tried mixing it up at the HAAC,” Carz said. “When it was clear that Amber had whooped their butts. Now the coach has his kid glue pennies in Amber’s gloves… and the Commission buys it? I don’t think so.” The crowd of thirty supporters threw their fists in the air. “We’re gonna go down there…. we’re gonna meet them on their own turf… and we’re gonna show them that Flubug can not be pushed around!”

At that point, Amber took the megaphone and addressed the furious crowd. “I love you, Flubug! And I want that State Wrestling trophy to be right where it belongs… right here in Flubug!”

amber looks longing at where trophy should be

Amber on Saturday looks longingly at where her trophy should sit

The crowd went wild, hoisting clubs, bats and nail guns in the air as they took up the chant. “Nail their ass! Nail their ass! Nail their ass!” Flubug Police were on hand in case the crowd got out of hand, but to hear Sheriff Ramsey tell it: “What they did to Amber is inexcusable. And Nick’s right, it’s a slap in everyone’s face. But will we uphold the law? Sure. Will we do our best to prevent violence? You bet. But don’t blame us if we’re a little late showing up to their event.” He winked.

The Wrestling Department at Nailyard High declined to be interviewed for this story. Repeated calls were redirected to a voice mail with violin music and a crying baby.

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