Convenience Store Cited For Lewd Roof

Take it N git IIFor the second time this month, the Take It N Git II convenience store on Bradshaw’s Pike (not to be confused with their upscale sister outlet, Take It N Git Markit in Graphite Corners) was cited by Flubug aviation officials (a retired drug runner and a balloonist) for having a “lewd message” on their roof. The writing, which owner Nick Burns claims was “sprayed by young Nailyard toughs,” is clearly antagonistic toward federal aviation officials and mirrors exactly the message Take It N Git II was cited for last week.

Burns, who seemed reluctant to speak with reporters, said, “I ain’t got no control over what these kids do when I ain’t here. Can’t expect me to sit out here all night wit’ my thirty ot six!”

But aviation officials tell a different story.

“Look,” sighed Calvin Conquest, amatuer baloonist and Beseech Academy alumni now working for the FAA. “This guy’s clearly got it in for our agency. He’s part of that whole Bradshaw’s ‘black helicopter crowd.’ Thinks we’re coverin’ up aliens or something. I mean, just look at the guy!”

Burns did look dissheveled, playing horseshoes with a toilet seat in his backyard, but he defended his store vehemently, as well as his right to bear arms, which hadn’t even come up. “The Second Amendment gives me the right to… uhh.. bear whatever I want. Now, I ain’t sayin’ I painted that sign or even got any idea who did. But the FAA is out o’ control. And, damn it, I applaud whoever done it.”

The citations, written on Beseech Academy note paper, will probably hold little water in court where red tape and government bureaucracy demand rigorous proof, but Conquest maintains he’ll take the case all the way to the Down County Supreme Court if the situation continues.

“I take families up for what should be a pleasant balloon ride. Imagine how the parents feel trying to explain all that to their kids. It just ain’t right.”

Take It N Git II is located in the heart of Graphite Corners and is open to the public on weekdays from 10 to 6. This week’s special is chocolate donettes for just $1.49.

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