Empty Graves and Empty Wallets

Flubug Cemetery – The Dixon Family weren’t waiting for subpoenas, indictments or more allegations in the month-old C’est la Vie investigation this weekend. They weren’t waiting for police to find funeral home director, Jake Pinewood, either. The Dixon’s took their suspicions (and shovels) to the Flubug General Cemetery on Saturday… and the results were startling

“My mom’s grave was empty,” said Grut Dixon, patriarch of the Bradshaw clan. “There weren’t even a coffin in there. An’ we paid for a top o’ th’ line casket. I mean, gold handles, air-pinned joints, friction-fit lid, the latest weather stipping. We even sprang for the extra worm-proofin’!”

Dixon was also present when his mother’s casket was lowered into the ground. “We saw them put her in the grave!” he shouts, unable to quell his emotions. “Them bitches musta come back at night and dug her up, just to get the casket. Who knows what they did with her body?”

If she was ever in the casket.

Police find that highly unlikely. “The picture coming together,” says an unnamed police source. “is a funeral home that sold caskets, funeral arrangements and headstones then dumped the bodies. Where they dumped them? Who knows? But they dumped them.”

Where they dumped them may be indicated by the rumors now rampant in Bradshaw’s Pike that bodies were found in an uncooled trailer near the C’est la Vie Funeral Home. Those rumors also include insurance policies taken out on fictitious people, staged funerals, phony death certificates and odd-smelling crates shipped to the state prison at night. All are currently under investigation by Bugle reporters.

But officials are being tight-lipped. When asked to comment on the grisly implications for anyone with a loved one at Flubug cemetery, Sheriff “Big Dog” Ramsey said flatly: “It’s way too early to speculate on what we might or might not know. And besides, I don’t remember being under any obligation to ‘spill the beans’ to you guys on what we do. Let’s just say we’ll keep diggin’ and leave it at that.”

But for Grut Dixon, the Sheriff’s words were not only patronizing, they came with a touch of irony. “Keep diggin’, eh? I hope he let’s us know if he finds our mom!”

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