Sales of burkhas at Mullah’s Burka Hut in Stateline are soaring as the worst human flu outbreak in a generation ravages local pigs. Owner and an avid pig lover, Mullah Mohammed, says sales are up a whopping 200% over last year and sees no end in sight. He’s even lowered his prices to help beleaguered farmers hit by the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression.
“I love America,” he said, standing beneath a poster of mentor and transient Taliban leader, Mullah Mohammed Omar. “And I love American pigs. We hear about them all the time in my country. In fact, that’s all we hear about.”
The burkhas, which are available for both men and women, may be the perfect solution for this air-borne pandemic. Unlike standard jumpsuits used by hospitals and first responders, today’s burkhas offer a host of amenities that weren’t available in the models that raised the world’s dander in the 1990’s.
“This isn’t your mother’s burkha,” smiles Mullah proudly. “These burkhas have headphones, velcro loops for Bluetooth, iPods or Blackberries, sun-reflectant veils, burkha-to-burkha communication systems, and come in a variety of colors. I even throw in a laminated list of offenses that call for death by stoning: adultery, rape, casual glances…that sort of thing. But in America, the list is of more a curio than anything else.”
Mullah’s Burkha Hut is open weekdays from 9am until 5pm and Saturdays from 10am to 3pm. The store faces east on Villaneuva Way. “Toward Mecca,” Mullah smiles. NaftaPass ID cards are required for all purchases.