A controversial new software, the Onboard Evidence and Sentencing Trajectory system (EAST) is currently being tested in Stateline and select jurisdictions throughout the state. The system, still in its infancy, is designed to cut incarceration, trial and administrative costs by giving officers the flexibility to project expenses associated with an arrest. With EAST, an officer can access a full list of priors, aliases and past addresses by entering an offender’s name and thumbprint into the system.
What’s new about EAST is its powerful operating system and ability to link with data warehouses throughout the nation. In the time it takes to pull out a taser, EAST can analyze an alleged crime, provide a ballpark conviction and estimate the cost of an arrest, detention, trial and inevitable appeal. That, say proponents, will reduce enforcement costs dramatically and bring a virtual end to the backlog in local courts.
But, wait. It gets better.
By choosing the Insta-Judge feature, an arresting officer can immediately obtain a conviction and probable sentence, accurate to within three years. That sentence, when feasible, can be legally implemented by clicking the DO IT NOW! button which gives an arresting officer the authority to circumvent costly administrative procedures and carry out any recommended punishment, including summary execution.
That has many Bill of Rights buffs up in arms. “It’s too much power to give police,” whines Rebeccas Koons, head of the local lesbian group, Lavender Condition, and daughter of avowed Balto socialist, Jasper Koons. “It turns cops into judge, jury and executioner, and threatens our way of life.”
But Sheriff “Big Dog” Ramsey, who’s urged Mayor Ornrey and the Town Supervisors to lobby for the new software, dismissed such sentiments as hysterical.
“The crime rate in Flubug is through the roof. Pretty soon we’ll be dumping criminals back on the streets. What do you want me to do, let some relic like the Constitution tie my hands?”
Citing the ever-rising crime rate in Down County, Ramsey gushed over the projected success of the Stateline model, which combines the sophisticated software system with a groundbreaking Charter Jail program. That program, which lets private citizens deed all or part of their property to the Department of Corrections to become defacto guards, has resulted in a mini-boom in the depressed condo market and driven the local crime rate to levels not seen since the second World War.
“No matter how you slice it,” Ramsey concludes. “Something has to be done. And Stateline just might have the answer.”