Flubug – In a surprise announcement, Honest Dewitt, Chairman of the Flubug League of Independent Partnerships (FLIP), unveiled plans today for the construction of a stunning new development project that will change the face of Flubug’s Beantown forever and possibly create dozens of good-paying jobs.
The project, which calls for the construction of a 23-story residential living and retail complex on the site of the former No. 2 Pencil Factory, is to be christened The Lofts at Pencil Place and was designed by the Stateline architectural firm, William Van Alen, descendants of the very architects who designed the renown Chrysler Building in Manhattan.
The square block development envisions a mixture of upscale loft-style residences, shops, galleries and eateries. It’s hoped that the project will transform this neglected section of Flubug, presently known for it’s drugs, edgy nightlife and transient population, into a vibrant community built on the successes of Obama New Era of Prosperity.
“It’s the new face of Flubug,” declared Dewitt, standing before an artist’s rendering of the project. “We’re not just talking quick marts and check cashing joints anymore. The day will soon come when you can live downtown, watch a Spike Lee flick, eat at TGI Payday’s and shop for brand name shoes without ever leaving downtown.”
Civic leaders were quick to endorse the project, including an anonymous politician who’s rumored to be mulling a penthouse residence. “He really wants in,” said a knowledgeable insider. “But the timing has to be right. He wants to make sure interest is at it’s peak before he makes his announcement.”
Pencil Place will also include a green component. Runoff from local downpours will be diverted into standing carp pools then on to restrooms and water coolers. Windows will be painted black to conserve energy. Elevators will be hand operated with simple pulleys, saving millions in needless electrical costs, and fans will be installed in cubicles to negate the need for costly air conditioning. There’s even a smart sprinkler system that deploys only when a fire reaches the fifth floor.
Indeed, these are heady times for economically-depressed Beantown as this “shovel ready” project is bound to attract significant investment.
A date for the groundbreaking ceremony is expected shortly.