Lavender Condition: “Treat Mosquitos Fairly”

Flubug – Lavender Condition is at it again. This time they’re protesting the recently-discovered swarm of Africanized mosquitos in Flubug Reservoir and the Health Department’s plan to install a swath of mosquito netting over the facility.

Spokesperson Heather Hart, a known socialist who runs the American Civil Rights Union in Balto, called the department’s plan a “pathetic bandaid” and insisted the mosquitos be treated with respect rather than trapped in our water supply.

“We’re talking about living creatures here. If we keep them cooped up in our reservoir they’ll die miserable deaths and wind up in our drinking water.” She added that the Health Department has an “obligation” to corral them as humanely as possible and transport them to more suitable breeding grounds, probably in Vermouth.

County health officials responded with derision. “Respect?” scoffed one official, spewing hot coffee across his desk. “These are blood-sucking, pathogen-totin’ pests! The only thing we’re gonna do is kill ‘em however we can.”

Installation of the square mile net is set to begin this afternoon. Questions regarding the impact of six million dead mosquitos in our drinking supply went unanswered.


2 thoughts on “Lavender Condition: “Treat Mosquitos Fairly”

  1. Pingback: Police Search For Hellions Singer | The Flubug Bugle

  2. Pingback: Plague Confirmed at Dem Bones | The Flubug Bugle

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