Killer Mosquitos Breeding in Reservoir

Officials from the Down County Health Department and CDC have confirmed that a new, Africanized mosquito is breeding in the Flubug Reservoir. The mosquito, which reportedly chases it’s prey for up to five miles, is far more aggressive than its North American counterpart. They’re also breeding at an accelerated rate, according to CDC spokesperson, Tim Bowman. “American mosquitoes lay two to three hundred eggs a week,” he said. “We’re seeing six to eight thousand mosquitoes already in circulation. That means they’re laying eggs at a frenzied pace and maturing in a matter of days.”

The news was immediately addressed by Mayor Ornrey who urged complacency. “These are bugs, folks. Ya spray ‘em, swat ‘em, whatever ya gotta do, but ya sure as hell don’t leave town.”

Elite Hair and Nails

Many, however, are doing just that. Martha Washington, who owns Elite Hair and Nails on Illiad Ave., just a mile from the reservoir, is closing her shop for a month. “I ain’t no pin cushion an’ I ain’t gonna git stuck by no ‘squito!”

T.T. Turnbull, scheduled to teach a weapons class at the Poor Farm Family Fun Park, is also packing. “I fought the Nazis in North Africa and I seen what them critters can do. I’d rather face Rommel again than face them little bloodsuckers.”

Down County officials plan to cover the reservoir with a gigantic net this afternoon until they can devise a more substantive approach. They also recommend that residents keep at least five miles away, though they admit that could be troublesome given the fact that the town is only four miles square.

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