Flubug – On this Easter morning, when most folks are headed to church or watching their kids hunt for baskets of Cheese-Nips, Mrs.Menolioni is pacing the floor at Flubug General Hospital. Her oldest daughter, Rhapsody, is still under observation after being subdued by local police. The culprit? Angel dust, a dangerous hallucinogen that induces madness and super-human strength in its users. In this case, the user was nine years old.
According to her mom, Rhapsody was eating a chocolate Easter bunny when she flew into a rage. She attacked the family goat then turned her anger on their ’82 Chrysler LeBaron, beating it with her fists while screaming epithets at Ricardo Montalban. Mrs. Cockspur responded immediately, calling police who arrived to find the girl holding their Chrysler over her head. With a gentle tazing they were able to coax her into their vehicle, but only after promising that the seats were made of Corinthian leather. She was then transported to Flubug General.
Mrs. Menolioni spent the night in the lobby. “It’s like she went loco,” she sobbed. “She eat that chocolate and go crazy. And what was all that about Ricardo Montalban? She never even know the man.”
Police admit they were stumped at first, but lab results taken from the chocolate show Angel Dust was present in large amounts. “We knew ‘dust’ was making a comeback in Flubug,” explained Deputy Fisk. “We just didn’t know how it was gettin’ here. Well, now we know.”
Sheriff Ramsey was more direct, accusing the Villeneuva brothers by name and issuing an ultimatum. “No one but the Villeneuvas would stoop so low as to put PCP in chocolate bunnies. It’s them alright, and if they’s listenin’ I want them to know this is total war. We won’t stop ‘til them bastards is safe behind bars.”
Meanwhile Rhapsody Menolioni lies in a rubber room. And an unknown quantity of mind-numbing PCP is headed for Flubug households.